Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

 I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"

If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because I've already done it.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
 
Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.


You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

How Do they say "F**k You" in Hollywood? "Trust Me..."

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.




 http://onelinefun.com/


In HINDI

Teri jasi ladkiyon ,mere ghar pe jhaadu pocha karne aati hai.

jada mat bol nahi to ,nimbu ke saath tujhe apne ghar ke baahar taang dunga.