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1. I had a #horribly #busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

2. I'm pretty sure my prayers go directly to God's spam folder.

3.I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!

4. When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts

5. Love Is A Gamble, Sex Is A Game, Boy Do The Thing, Girls Get The Blame, 1 Night In Pleasure, 9 Months Of Pain.

6. I used to have sex daily, but then I found out it was #dyslexia. sex daily
dyslexia

sex daily
dyslexia

7.How is a #woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your #wallet than on your dick.

8. #roses are red, violets are fine. If I be the 6, will you be the 9?

9. I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

10. A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” …. the girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.”
Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas.”

• If “Plan A” didn't work. Don’t worry; the alphabet has 25 more letters.

• I had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

• Dear Samsung, please also start selling jeans that can accommodate your smartphones.

• You’re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.

• I'm pretty sure my prayers go directly to God's spam folder.

• If you`re texting two people at the same time, you are biTextual.

• My girlfriend is like my iPad...I don`t have an iPad.

• The longer the title the less important the job.

• A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

• Until I was thirteen I thought my name was 'Shut up'.

• I am not fat, I am just easier to see.

• I never make the same mistake twice. Three, four times maybe. But never twice.

• They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in a hurry?

• When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren't you a waiter?

• Try to say the letter "M" without your lips touching.

• Weird is a side effect of awesome.

• Relationships are a lot like Algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

• I heard you took an IQ test and they said your results were negative.

• I don`t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.