best funny jokes youtube videos sms messages

• If “Plan A” didn't work. Don’t worry; the alphabet has 25 more letters.

• I had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

• Dear Samsung, please also start selling jeans that can accommodate your smartphones.

• You’re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.

• I'm pretty sure my prayers go directly to God's spam folder.

• If you`re texting two people at the same time, you are biTextual.

• My girlfriend is like my iPad...I don`t have an iPad.

• The longer the title the less important the job.

• A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

• Until I was thirteen I thought my name was 'Shut up'.

• I am not fat, I am just easier to see.

• I never make the same mistake twice. Three, four times maybe. But never twice.

• They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in a hurry?

• When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren't you a waiter?

• Try to say the letter "M" without your lips touching.

• Weird is a side effect of awesome.

• Relationships are a lot like Algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

• I heard you took an IQ test and they said your results were negative.

• I don`t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

 I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"

If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because I've already done it.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
 
Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.


You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

How Do they say "F**k You" in Hollywood? "Trust Me..."

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.




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