best funny jokes youtube videos sms messages

• If “Plan A” didn't work. Don’t worry; the alphabet has 25 more letters.

• I had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

• Dear Samsung, please also start selling jeans that can accommodate your smartphones.

• You’re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.

• I'm pretty sure my prayers go directly to God's spam folder.

• If you`re texting two people at the same time, you are biTextual.

• My girlfriend is like my iPad...I don`t have an iPad.

• The longer the title the less important the job.

• A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

• Until I was thirteen I thought my name was 'Shut up'.

• I am not fat, I am just easier to see.

• I never make the same mistake twice. Three, four times maybe. But never twice.

• They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in a hurry?

• When you wait for a waiter in a restaurant, aren't you a waiter?

• Try to say the letter "M" without your lips touching.

• Weird is a side effect of awesome.

• Relationships are a lot like Algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

• I heard you took an IQ test and they said your results were negative.

• I don`t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.

Best one liners

Sochi Winter Olympics seems to be longer than the four years period from last Winter Olympics.
Everyone can find one person or three cats waiting for him.
Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one.
If someone is spitting behind you, it means you’re in front.
Nothing spoils the target more than a hit.
You won’t take ‘thank you’ to bed.
Every pipette wishes to be a clyster.
A person has to have a warm heart and a cold beer.
A warning shot into the head.
Only an ass can be divided in half.
Virginity is curable.
If you want to hide your face, go out naked.
The panic begins with the first one to say ‘Calm down!’
The device will work much better, if you turn it on.
To the question ‘What are you doing here?’ 72% answered negative.
Everything is rightly confused.
Approach, stick, and get infected.
I have no business with you, unless behind the bushes.
One head is ok, but a whole body is much better.
Our conscience is clear- we don’t use it.
If you can’t buy a person, you can always sell him.



To start from zero, you need to crawl up to it.
I know how to feed a nation…but will she eat it?

Nothing brings neighbors together, like a broken elevator.

An idea came to the mind, and now she’s searching for the brain.
Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.
If all the piano keys are black – look under the hood.
Only newlyweds and liars have sex every day.
Ask the horse, he has a bigger head.
Don’t ever hit a person with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

Do you need space? Join NASA!

I don’t think you are stupid. You just have a bad luck when thinking.
Life is beautiful… from Friday to Monday.
The most important stakeholder in you life is You.
No checks (Czechs are welcome).

Marriage is the main reason for divorce.

funny jokes youtube videos

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