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Best one liners

Sochi Winter Olympics seems to be longer than the four years period from last Winter Olympics.
Everyone can find one person or three cats waiting for him.
Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one.
If someone is spitting behind you, it means you’re in front.
Nothing spoils the target more than a hit.
You won’t take ‘thank you’ to bed.
Every pipette wishes to be a clyster.
A person has to have a warm heart and a cold beer.
A warning shot into the head.
Only an ass can be divided in half.
Virginity is curable.
If you want to hide your face, go out naked.
The panic begins with the first one to say ‘Calm down!’
The device will work much better, if you turn it on.
To the question ‘What are you doing here?’ 72% answered negative.
Everything is rightly confused.
Approach, stick, and get infected.
I have no business with you, unless behind the bushes.
One head is ok, but a whole body is much better.
Our conscience is clear- we don’t use it.
If you can’t buy a person, you can always sell him.



To start from zero, you need to crawl up to it.
I know how to feed a nation…but will she eat it?

Nothing brings neighbors together, like a broken elevator.

An idea came to the mind, and now she’s searching for the brain.
Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.
If all the piano keys are black – look under the hood.
Only newlyweds and liars have sex every day.
Ask the horse, he has a bigger head.
Don’t ever hit a person with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

Do you need space? Join NASA!

I don’t think you are stupid. You just have a bad luck when thinking.
Life is beautiful… from Friday to Monday.
The most important stakeholder in you life is You.
No checks (Czechs are welcome).

Marriage is the main reason for divorce.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

 I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I shit on?"

If you see me smiling it's because I'm thinking of doing something evil or naughty. If you see me laughing it's because I've already done it.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
 
Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

When wearing a bikini,women reveal 90% of their body....men are so polite they only look at the covered parts

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.


You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

How Do they say "F**k You" in Hollywood? "Trust Me..."

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.




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